The Innocent Walk of Doom
by xIsisx
Summary: Bakura takes a walk. Lalala. He gets lost. Lala Uh, I mean, UH OH! This is a story of sugar, animals, insanity, voices, evilness, world domination, mud, and all those good things. Barely visible yaoi yamisXhikaris. [FINALLY UPDATED]
1. Once Upon a Storm

xIsisx: Looky here, another wonderful fanfic by me.

Bakura: She's a very sarcastic person.

xIsisx: That's very true... And oh yeah, I don't even have a LIFE, what makes you think I own Yu-Gi-Oh or Kleenex? I do, however, own a box of Kleenex tissues and some 300 Yu-Gi-Oh cards...

**Notes:**  
(hikari to yami)  
((yami to hikari))  
Bakura ≈ Yami Bakura  
Ryou ≈ uh... the hikari  
Yami ≈ Yami Yugi  
Yugi ≈ ... Yugi  
Ma**r**ik ≈ is the yami  
Ma**l**ik ≈ the hikari

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**

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§ Once Upon A Storm §

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**

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Much to nobody's surprise, Ryou Bakura was worried. That was the statement of the yar, 'worrying' seemed to come naturally to the silver-haired boy. 

But tonight, Ryou was worried about more than one thing. Again, if you know him, this was not surprising, but what he worried about was, in a way, unexpected. Perhaps 'strange' would be a much more fitting description.

Thing is, three hours ago, his darker side had walked out of the house, muttering something about a walk and meeting squirrels and Marik, and oddly enough, world domination. This was enough to cause Ryou to fear for Bakura's sanity, and without his sanity, Bakura could end up getting drunk and lost. A drunk Bakura is something everyone and everything should fear. That was already three things on Ryou's worrying list, and don't even get him started on what would happing if Bakura DID manage to get himself lost. Sure, the older one knew his way around the place perfectly fine... that is, if you consider the Shadow Realm 'the place'.

Ryou tapped his fingers on the kitchen table restlessly, listening to the radio out of habit.

"...we are expecting a storm tonight, possibly a hurricane. All residents are advised to stay out of the streets..."

He groaned and put his head into his hands, this was just great... Bakura's missing and there was a protentially dangerous storm coming. How could he contact Bakura? Wait, the mindlink! Gosh, he was so stupid not to have thought of that earlier.

(Bakura?)

(This is not a joke! Answer me!)

(I'll throw away your daggers!)

Sighing, Ryou closed the mindlink. Okay, so that didn't work, Bakura must be unconcious or dead, but Bakura can't die, he's a spirit, even if he did have his own body. Great, this just makes the situation crystal clear. Yup.

Panic rose in his chest, he wondered what he could do, he didn't want to risk his life by going out into the storm... Who would? Then a wicked idea came to him, and he slowly reached for the phone.

**- ¤ - ¤ - ¤ -**

Bakura, meanwhile, was facedown in the mud in the middle of a very very big, very dense forest, with rain poking his back. If someone looked at him, they'd say that he was dead, but no, the great and awesome Bakura can't die.

Bakura's closed eyes twitched and opened, blinking slowly in the mud, with effort, he reluctantly pulled himself into a sitting position... in the mud. He cursed and the ring glowed, and the mud was sent to the shadow realm. He rubbed his head.

"Screw this... my head hurts like hell..."

The last thing he remember was finishing his 6th can of beer when suddenly a good-for-nothing squirrel jumped on his head and somehow make Bakura fall down the edge of the cliff. Well, that was the last straw, sure, the squirrels were good at world domination but starting from now on, they were NOT going to help him or Marik anymore.

At that moment, as if the squirrels could hear this thoughts, an acorn came flying out of nowhere and hit Bakura straight between the eyes.

Bakura instantly jumped up and ran in the direction where the acorn came from, cursing as he did so. yes, he still had energy to run after falling off of a very high cliff...

Five minutes later (and after Bakura had cursed everything known to man), he stopped running and, for the first time, realized that he was lost. He squeezed some water out of his hair (cursing the rain as he did so) and pondered his situation. He was hungry, he needed to go to the bathroom, he has no idea where he was, and Ryou was probably...

Wait a sec, RYOU? He opened up the mindlink.

((Ryou?))

**- ¤ - ¤ - ¤ -**

"Thanks Yugi!" Ryou said gratefully and hung up the phone.

((Ryou?))

"Ahh!" Ryou yelped and dropped the book he was holding and fell out of his chair, "Ow..." He mumbled.

((You wuss.))

(Bakura? Is that you?)

((No I am the boogy man)) Came the sarcatic reply of the yami, ((Of COURSE it's me you baka!))

(Are you okay? You know there's a storm coming, right?)

((I'm soaked to within an inch of my life and my clothes are covered in mud... no, of course I don't know there's a storm coming...))

Ryou could picture Bakura rolling his eyes (Where are you?)

((... A place with a lot of trees and mean squirrels))

(I'm not gonna even ask about the squirrels, well anyway, Marik and Yami are coming to look for you)

((THE BAKA PHARAOH?))

(No, a kuriboh that's named Yami...)

((This is no time to be sarcastic)) Came the voice that was suddenly serious.

(Speak for yourself Mr. I'm-not-sarcastic... how did you end up in the forest anyway?)

((Oh I'm in a forest? That clears it up...))

(-sighs- Yes, yes, it's absolutly amazing that you're in a forest... NOW, how did you get there?)

((I... uh... fell off of a cliff..?))

Ryou banged his head on the table, (That's just wonderful...)

**- ¤ - ¤ - ¤ -**

"WHEE! LOOK AT ME EVERYBODY! I'M A SQUIRREL!"

"SHUT UP MARIK!" Yami yelled at the said person, "YUGI'S TRYING TO TALK ON THE PHONE THINGY!"

Marik stuck his tongue out at Yami and proceeded to hop around the room for all he was worth and for some reason singing "Happy Birthday" even though nobody was having a birthday anytime soon. His hikari sighed but continued to watch TV like this stuff happened everyday.

"What did he eat?" A frantic Yami asked Malik.

"Sugar," Came the simple and blunt answer.

Marik suddenly jumped out of nowhere and stuck his face into Yami's.

"ACK!" Yami screamed and not really gracefully fell out of his chair.

"ONE DAY I SHALL RULE THE WORLD!" Marik screamed and started laughing like a psycho, which he was.

"MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHA!"

"'Kay I'll let Marik and Yami know," Yugi said into the phone and hung up.

He went into the very noisy living room when his foot collided with something solid. Yugi blinked and looked down.

"Ah... Yami... what are you doing down there?"

Yami blinked, looking up at his hikari.

"Uh... I, uh, was just admiring our fine fine carpet... yeah..."

Yugi blinked again, the carpet was accually very dirty and stained.

"Yeah sure, listen, can you do me a favor?"

"Of course, anything for you aibou," Yami said, straightening up.

"WHAT? YOU EXPECT ME TO FIND THE TOMB ROBBER IN THE MIDDLE OF A STORM WITH HIM?" Yami yelled after Yugi explained, pointing to a now quiet Marik, who was staring at something on the table.

"Pleeeaaaase Yami?" Yugi begged and put on his best puppy dog eyes.

Yami twitched, boy, his hikari's knew all the right buttons to push. He looked at his adorable hikari's even more adorable puppy eyes. Yami twitched again. He rubbed his eyes and sighed.

"...fine..." He gave in at last.

"YAY! Thank you Yami! I LOVE YOU!" Yugi exclaimed, hugging Yami.

"Yugi? Can't. Breath..." Came the strangled voice.

"Oh sorry..." Yugi let go.

Yami looked over at a mesmorized Marik, "Marik? What are you doing?"

Getting no answer, he walked over and found that Marik was very intrested in a piece of tissue. Yami pondered the fact of why he was surrounded by psychos for a moment but then poked Marik, hard, on the shoulder.

Grunt.

Well, at least Marik knew he was there.

"MARIK!" He yelled.

"Mm?"

"What are you doing?"

"This piece of Kleenex tissue... it's very intresting... Look, it can seperate into two!" Marik said confidently, and promptly seperated the tissue into two layers.

"Yeah yeah that's nice Marik... but," Yami lowered his voice in a dramatic whisper, "We need to resue someone!"

"Rescue?" Marik perked up, the 'fastinating' tissue forgotten, "Did someone say 'rescue'? Never fear! The super Marik is here!" He did a superhero pose, causing everyone else in the room to do an anime fall.

"Yeah yeah that's nice Marik..." Yami said again, "Bakura's lost in a forest and we need to go resue him."

"WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO? COME ON!" With that, he grabbed Yami's arm and literally 'flew' out of the room.

Malik and Yugi stared at each other and blinked twice.

"Well, I think they'll be alright..." Yugi said not really confidentally and sat down next to Malik, "Too bad they didn't bring an umbrella... What movie are you watching?"

•

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xIsisx: Ooo Yugi... you liar... 

Ryou: Shh! You're giving away the plot!

xIsisx: What plot? Oh the one about them ru-

Ryou: -puts hand over xIsisx's mouth- Some authoress you are...

xIsisx: -glares- mmummpuph unmm mmphumm! (translation: if you like it so far, tell me to continue or I won't cuz I'll think that nobody likes it)


	2. Ducks and Men

xIsisx: Sorry for the lack of updates! I was busy with something else... and so yeah, anyway, thank you reviewers! My replies to you are below! And yes I own Yu-Gi-Oh and Alfex (I'm not sure if I spelled that right) when I have a life... by the way, where _can_ you download a life? I heard that they were pretty cool

**Dumb Arse:** Strange name... anyway, I'm continuing! )

**Sarah Costa:** Yesh I like the name too! And lookies! I updated!

**LonlyTombRobber:** Ooo RxB? That's even BETTER! I can't wait until _you_ update! lol!

**EVILISHpunkPRINCESShorsesj:** Boy, your name is a handful to type out, but yeah Marik had sugar and we all know what happens when he get's sugar high...

**Notes:**  
Bakura ≈ Yami Bakura  
Ryou ≈ uh... the hikari  
Yami ≈ Yami Yugi  
Yugi ≈ ... Yugi  
Ma**r**ik ≈ is the yami  
Ma**l**ik ≈ the hikari

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**

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§ Ducks and Men §

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**

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"Marik! Ow-!" Yami yelled as Marik bopped him on the head. 

"BE QUIET PHARAOH!" Marik was still dragging the said Pharaoh by the arm.

"Maybe we should get an umbrella?" Yami said quickly, before Marik had the chance to interrupt him again.

Marik abruptly stopped and let go of Yami, who fell face-forward into the mud.

"WHAT'S THE BIG IDEA YOU PSYCHO?" Yami spluttered, spitting mud from his mouth.

The psycho, however, didn't seem to hear him and sniffed the air like a dog for a moment. Then he suddenly ran North West.

Yami groaned and cursed and started running as well. Hey, it's not like he had a choice, between him, Bakura, and Marik, he was the responsible one, the voice of reason. Ra, where was Anzu when you –gasp- actually needed her for once in your life?

"MARIK! YOU KNOW WHERE YOU'RE GOING?"

"TO FIND BAKURA!"

"AND THAT WOULD BE WHERE?"

"I HAVE ABSOLUTLY NO IDEA!" Marik yelled over his shoulder cheerfully.

Yami sighed, losing faith in the race of humanity.

**- ¤ - ¤ - ¤ -**

"Get OFF of me! What the FLIP is your problem?" Bakura yelled, vainly trying to pry off a squirrel that had stubbornly attached itself to his chest.

It squeaked something and glared up at Bakura through the rain and, as if on cue, a gang of chipmunks surrounded Bakura, whose eye started twitching.

He gritted his teeth and growled and the ring glowed, and …nothing happened. A few birds chirped in the distance and they all, chipmunks and squirrels alike, blinked once. They were expecting something medodramatic to happen.

Nothing moved, there was no sound; everything seemed to be frozen in time, then… a savior.

"ALFEX!"

The thunder rumbled, the squirrels and chipmunks fled, leaving a poor, poor thief to deal with the newcomer. The said thief gulped.

"W-Who are you? S-Show y-yourselves!"

"Alfex!"

Bakura yelped and frantically looked around for the source of the sound. He didn't see anything… until he looked down. Then, out of impulse, he screamed and ran in the opposite direction, then blinked and doubled back to the duck.

"Alfex?" The duck cocked it's head up at Bakura.

"Bakura kneeled down to it's level, "Who or what are you?"

"Alfex."

"Your name's Alfex?"

The duck frantically nodded.

"You can understand me?" Bakura raised an eyebrow, skeptical.

The duck nodded again, looking as impatient as a duck can look.

"Can you say anything else?"

It shook it's head, "Alfex…" It said sadly.

Bakura stood up and put his hands on top of his head and started walking, all rain and storm forgotten. Alfex followed him. He pondered the weirdness of the world. It had stooped down to the level where squirrels and chipmunks formed alliances, and where ducks could say 'alfex' but nothing else. Hm. There are strange things in this world if you look carefully enough. Or don't look, it might come to you.

**- ¤ - ¤ - ¤ -**

"Bakura's down there?" Yami asked nervously, peering over the edge of the cliff.

Marik nodded and bent his knees, preparing to jump. Yami yelped and grabbed the back of his shirt, making Marik choke.

"ARE YOU INSANE?" Yami yelled, then considered what he said, "Oh wait, yes you are, hm, ARE YOU SUICIDICAL!"

"The great Marik the Superhero can't die! MUHAHAHAHA!" Marik crowed, but then he dropped his voice into a serious tone, "Now let me go before I bit you, PHARAOH!"

To add theatrics, Marik growled, displaying a row of pointed teeth, Yami gulped, but then shrugged.

"It's your neck," Yami let go of Marik, who jumped happily.

"WHEEEEEEEE!" Marik screeched as he went down.

This left Yami to ponder his choices.

"Well maybe now that the thief and the psycho are gone, things will be normal. But then again, the hikaris will be mad that I lost their yamis, and Yugi will be disappointed in me, but on the other hand, they might be happy because they never really like Bakura and Marik in the first place, but that'll leave me to be the only yami… but that might be good because they won't attempt to kil- GAH SCREW THIS!" Yami concluded angrily glaring up at the rain, which had ruined his beautiful, beautiful leather clothes. He sighed.

"This had better be worth it." And he jumped.

It seemed like forever and a day before he, uh, landed upside down next to an unconscious Marik.

"OW! Radamnit! Why do I always land on my head?" Yami muttered, pulling himself into a sitting position and rubbing an obvious bump on his head.

"'Cause your head's so heavy?" Marik mumbled. Yami glared at him, but he still seemed unconscious. That's weird. So he can talk while his mind's out of it? Blink. Well, he wasn't a psychopath for nothing.

"Marik, get up." Yami ordered, slapping the said psycho.

Marik, surprisingly, blinked a few times and got up.

"W-where are we?"

"You tell me!" Yami snapped, "You got us here in the first place!"

"I did?" Marik blinked in a weirdly innocent way, "How?"

Yami groaned, "Marik, have you lost your memory again?" Marik had lost his memory once before, and it had taken weeks to patch it up.

"I don't think I have… who are you anyway?"

"GAH! This is just great…" Yami mumbled and crawled over to a nearby tree and hugged his knees, drawing circles in the dirt.

"Does this mean I-I l-lo-lost my m-m-mem-mory?" Marik sniffled, and then started crying and brawling, his tears making a lager puddle than the rain. SO unfair, why did everything happen to HIM?

**- ¤ - ¤ - ¤ -**

Ryou was restless, he took a shower, read every book he had, listened to every album in the house, and yet, all of that only took him an exceeding short amount of time. Maybe that was due to the fact that he didn't even have a lot of books, and he wasn't that big of a music fan anyway, only classical for him, thank you very much.

He sighed; did Yugi really send Marik _and_ Yami _together_ to find _Bakura_? He'd be grateful if only two of the mentioned three returned alive and in one piece. Most likely Yami would be dead because of Marik and Bakura trying to take his Millennium Puzzle or whatever. But then Marik and Bakura would probably kill each other for ownership of the puzzle. Hm. So ultimately, maybe only one would return alive.

Ryou scowled himself. Must. Not. Think. Bad. Thoughts …too late for that dear Ryou. Oh, wait a minute. The three yamis can't die! His spirits lifted slightly. Then again, it'll be weeks before they can get other bodies of their own. Besides, _they_ were the ones carrying the Millennium items, so to help them; the hikaris would have to find the items _first_.

This is just getting confusing.

**- ¤ - ¤ - ¤ -**

"You know what would be funny Alfex?" Bakura asked, still walking casually to who-knows-where and completely ignoring the rain and mud.

"Alfex?" It fixed Bakura with one beady eye.

"If this is just one of those fanfics that Ryou always reads, I'll laugh out loud. Somehow, this just seems too unreal to happen to someone, even us." Bakura looked up at the sky, as if seeing it for the first time, "And why are the clouds dark when it rains? What makes rain? Are the gods crying? What are they crying about? Can they even cry? How can we cry anyway? Do we have water stored in the back of our eyes?"

As Bakura rambled on, the duck rolled it's eyes, wondering 'WHY ME?'.

**- ¤ - ¤ - ¤ -**

"So you think the yamis are okay?" Yugi asked Malik at the end of their 4th movie.

"Yeah they're fine." Malik replied confidentially.

"How can you be sure?"

"Well, I just get this vision that Yami's being all depressed while Marik is crying his eyes out and Bakura's walking with a duck muttering nonsense questions…"

Yugi raised an eyebrow. Malik caught his eye, and he shrugged.

"Don't ask me how I know this; Ishizu must be rubbing off on me."

•

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xIsisx: Hm. I typed this at midnight... I'm crazy, I know. Bakura, Yami, Marik, go hug the reviewers. 

Marik: Why?

xIsisx: Because they love you guys!

Bakura&Marik&Yami: fine... -hugs reviewers-

xIsisx: Yay! now, if you just press that little button in the left hand corner, you will get hugged by them too!

Yami: They will?

xIsisx: YES because I'm _the_ authoress and I say so! MUHAHAHA! Fear my wrath!


	3. Voices and Hair Gel

Bakura,Marik,Yami: -hugs akuavari, Professor Specter, Karasu, LonelyTombRobber, punkPRINCESS, and Sarah Costa-

xIsisx: Thankies guys! Don't you all feel special now, reviewers? And I ish sorry for the lack of updates, my internet has been spazzing on me.

Bakura: Where's our $20 dollars? Pay up.

xIsisx: -shifty eyes- I, uh, lost it?

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh or Alfex or anything! All I own is the plot of the story... if you can even call it a plot.

**Notes:**  
Bakura ≈ Yami Bakura  
Yami ≈ Yami Yugi  
Yugi ≈ ... Yugi  
Ma**r**ik ≈ is the yami  
Ma**l**ik ≈ the hikari

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§ Voices and Hair Gel §

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**

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"Hey?" Marik sniffed, but at least have somewhat calmed down.

Yami, on the other hand, was a different story. He was still sulking around his tree and mumbling to himself. Something about a world coming to an end and whatnot. He seemed very unwilling to come out of his depression. Who would've thought he was the 'responsible' one now? Hm?

"Hello?" Marik got up and poked the other person.

Said person grunted. Well, how rude, and just when Marik's blood sugar had gone low and when he was no longer nicey nicey. And he was getting mad too.

"Look, I may not know you but unless you get up and explain to me what's going on, I will send you to the shadow realm!" He hissed in a dangerous tone.

Yami blinked and looked up at Marik with empty eyes and sighed.

"I am Yami, one of the three yamis. The yamis are me, you, and a thief named Bakura." He said in a monotone voice.

Marik blinked confusedly, "Wait, you are a yami but your name is Yami?"

The said person nodded, "Yes because I don't know my real name. And we're trying to find Bakura because he's lost, and you said he was down here but we had to jump off a cliff to get down here." Yami pointed above to the barely visible edge of the cliff.

Marik followed the direction of Yami's finger, "Ra, that's high, what kind of insane person jump off of that?"

Yami, despite his depressed state, snorted, "You, that's who. And because you jumped off, I had to jump off."

"Oh, so I'm insane and I'm a psycho?"

"Yes, that sums it up basically."

"Hmm…" Marik thought for a long time, and then said one simple word, "Cool!"

Yami heaved a long sigh.

**- ¤ - ¤ - ¤ -**

"I can see you!" A voice yelled somewhere near a certain white haired thief that we all know and love.

"Huh?" Bakura snapped out of his philosophical thoughts and looked down at Alfex, "Did you say that?"

The duck shook its head, "Alfex…?"

"I CAN SEE YOU!" The voice shouted again, "AND GEORGE WASHINGTON CAN TOO!"

Bakura blinked; who the heckmadoddle was this George Washington? Wait a minute, he remembered Ryou saying something about it, wasn't he, like, the guy who fought all these battles and then became some sort of a Pharaoh? Oh they don't have pharaohs now, Ryou said he was a present… no, prisdant… no… gah who cares anyway? Whoever George was, he was dead. So there.

He scratched his head. If George Washington was dead, then how can he see him? And why was the voice telling him that George could see him? Unless George Washington was somewhere nearby, as a GHOST!

Bakura stopped walking for a split second and then ran for all he was worth.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Yes, those famous departing words, and he didn't even bother to wait for Alfex.

Somewhere near where Bakura was a minute ago, Alfex saw a parrot land in a nearby tree.

"Alfex?" The said duck asked the parrot.

The parrot blinked down at Alfex, and then said, "I can see you! And George Washington can too!"

Alfex sighed, and not really enuastically waddled after Bakura.

**- ¤ - ¤ - ¤ -**

Meanwhile, Marik was half dragging, half carrying a very out-of-it Yami. Finally, having fed up with all this, he promptly dropped the person he was dragging/carrying in a small pool of mud.

Unfortunately, this didn't have the result he wanted it to have. Yami was still sulking, oblivious to the rest of the world, and sing something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like "The World is Black" by Good Charlotte. Okay, not that Marik has ever heard anything by Good Charlotte, but his hikari listened to them all the time. In Marik's opinion, it was pointless. Why listen to people complain about the world when you could just a) rule the world or b) destroy the world?

He didn't know Yami listened to those songs too. Hm. Strange.

"Pharaoh!" He yelled into the said person's ear, and gave them a good whack on their head, bad idea… Those spikes of Yami's hair weren't hurt by him; it was the other way around.

"OW!" Marik yelled and rubbed his palm, "What the flip do you put into that frigging hair of yours!"

"Razor Sharp Gel Maximum Strength 2005," Yami mumbled, still sitting in mud.

"That explains it…" Marik muttered, "BUT ARE YOU GOING TO STAY THERE AND SULK ALL NIGHT?"

"Yup," Came the toneless reply.

"Well, then, I'm going to find myself a Bakura." Marik walked off for some ways and then doubled back, "Uh, what's he look like anyway?" (remember- he lost his memory)

"He has white hair and bunny ears…"

Marik walked off again, confident that it'll be easy as pie to find someone like that. And we all know that the great and awesome Marik is a great and awesome liar.

**- ¤ - ¤ - ¤ -**

Back to Bakura's situation at hand, well um, he was still running head off. Occasionally blasting anything that came his way to the Shadow Realm. He must've covered at least 5 miles by now in a matter of 10 minutes so (10x6≈60 5x6≈30) he had been traveling at 30 miles per hour. Is that even possible for a human? Oh, well, he wasn't human anyway, so doesn't matter.

He slowed down, miraculously sweat-free and un-exhausted. He looked around, still in the forest, minus Alfex and any other living creature.

"AWHOOOOO!" Something (in Bakura's mind, a wolf) howled in the distance, didn't sound much more than 7 miles away. Don't ask how he came up with 7, must be a thief's natural instinct.

Bakura froze for a moment, and then took off running again.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" This parting word never gets old, does it? Well Bakura never liked wolves in the first place, one nearly bit off his arm back in Egypt! …okay, so it was a lion. But lion, wolf, same difference. Both had sharp teeth! Normally he wouldn't have minded, seeing as he had some quite sharp teeth himself, but old grudges die hard, ne?

**- ¤ - ¤ - ¤ -**

Marik had been walking for at least 30 minutes now; he was tired, covered in mud, and grumpy. Not to mention the fact that he NEEDED sugar. He looked up at the moon and wondered if it was possible to send the moon to the Shadow Realm. Would it crash down on his head if he did try it? …on the second thought, maybe he didn't really want to know.

The Egyptian sighed, sometimes he just felt like howling to the moon… Hey, why not?

"AWHOOOOO!" He, obviously, howled.

He smirked, that felt good. Oh looky there, is that a patch of white in that bush? He jogged up to the said bush and investigated, could it be Bakura? And he reached out and pulled on the patch of white… stuff.

"ALFEX!" The duck bit down on Marik's hand when he attempted to pull it's feathers out.

Marik yelped and looked at his bloody hand, he licked his lips.

"Blood…" He gulped, must… resist… blood…! Too late… He licked off the blood on his hand from the small wound. Blood is good.

Alfex peered strangely up at him. So here he was, minding his own business, when suddenly a human came out of nowhere and decided to pull some of his lovely feathers out, and now that same human was licking his own hand? How weird, he'll never be able to fully understand the race of human beings.

- ¤ - ¤ - ¤ -

Yami, who was STILL sitting in mud, seemed to suddenly snap out of it. And the first thing he noticed that his bottom was wet and he was sitting in mud, cursing, he sent the mud to the Shadow Realm, not realizing that this is exactly what the thief he hated so much also did.

He pulled himself up, "So where am I anyway? Oh yeah, we need to find Bakura, Marik! …Marik? Oh crap! Marik went ahead and wandered off by himself! That baka…"

Reluctantly, he set off into a jog and went in the direction he think Marik went.

- ¤ - ¤ - ¤ -

Unnoticed by any of the yamis so far, the rain had stopped. Weird that the first thing you complained about was the last thing on your mind once you're lost, ne? Yugi and Malik, who weren't lost, looked out the window and cheered.

"The rain's stopped!" Yugi exclaimed.

"Yeah but it's like what? 10:30 now? They've been gone way too long, don't you think?"

Yugi considered this, "Nah…"

●

* * *

xIsisx: I'm going to begin a fangirl-y rant, you have been warned! Okay, I just downloaded a YGO sub clip (that means it's not a dubbed one and it's in Japanese) and I heard all of the Yami's voice! SO AWESOME! THEY DON'T SOUND LIKE 40-year old men! Bakura accually sounds like a teen! Yami, well, is Yami. Hm. And Marik's voice is deep, but not overly so. Isn't that AMAZING? -runs and plays clip over and over again- By the way, you'll see what I meant about Bakura's bunny ears and yes, there were lions back in _ancient_ egypt. 

Bakura: -listens to Japanese version of himself- Hey! I don't have a british accent!

Marik: -listens too- Hey, you're right! ...what was that? Did you just call me a bakayaru in clip?

Yami: -rolls eyes- I don't think it's possible to incorperate british accent into Japanese dialogue.


	4. Insanity and More Voices

Bakura,Marik,Yami: -hugs akuavari, Professor Specter, Karasu, LonelyTombRobber, punkPRINCESS, Sarah Costa, animefreakgal456, Luna Dusk, gwertopip, and Karasu-

xIsisx: Thanks! And by a special request...

Ryou: -blinks- why am I here? -gets glared at- Okay, okay, fine... geezo... -hugs cantdueldontaskme-

xIsisx: After **23 days** of no updating, here's the long awaited chapter four! -feels proud for not updating-

Bakura: Proud? o.O Weird, anyway, today (7/29) is that crazy lady's -points to xIsisx- birthday, so, um, she's not really sane today...

xIsisx: YOU BET I'M NOT! MWAH.

Disclaimer: See what we mean? -sweatdrops- anyway, -clears throat- xIsisx holds no liability to Yu-Gi-Oh! or any of the characters. She's just merely borrowing the characters for this FANfic. Which is good, because if she owned Yu-Gi-Oh, hell is gonna melt and freeze over.

Yami: Disclaimer, you realize the part about 'hell melting and freeze over' makes no sense, right?

Disclaimer: I know! -grins-

xIsisx: Oh yeah, beware of character DEATH! ...and Tea bashing, but nobody really minds that.

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Insanity and More Voices

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Bakura hit himself over and over again. He was just being very stupid now. Really, come on, why would he run from a 'ghost' in the first place? He _liked_ ghosts! Seeing as he was a kind of ghost himself, with a body… but then he can't be a ghost, because ghosts aren't solid, but then again- 

Oh just forget it, he banged his head against a nearby tree, causing starts to erupt in his eyes. And then he heard… _it_…

A crack that sounded like someone – or something – stepped on a twig. And as if in slow motion, Bakura slowly turned around, fearing the worst. His jaw dropped, and to make matters worse, there was a rustling sound above him, and when he looked up, he was sure that he died and went to hell.

"Damn damn damn DAMN damn damn DAMN…" Bakura whispered, singing his 'Damn' song.

He was confronted by a very big, very pissed mother bear. Her cubs were in the tree Bakura just so smartly knocked his head with. He could've sworn that the cubs smirked at him, as if pleased that their mom is gonna beat him up.

The mother bear growled at Bakura and he gulped, his back was against the tree. Sure, _humans_ he could handle, but wild animals, _bears_? No thanks.

"I appear to be in very deep trouble here," Bakura said to himself, "I can't block the bear's attacks and I can't evade it. 'Cause then she's just going to hunt me down and eat me alive. Um."

He giggled nervously for no reason. The advancing bear growled again, this time resembling more like a roar.

"I think you've lost it Bakura." A familiar voice said. This startled both Bakura and the bear.

Bakura knew that voice all too well, "Marik?" He attempted to look for the source of the sound. Funny how people look in all directions except above their heads.

"Yo, Baku, up here."

Bakura's head looked up for the second time in two minutes and saw Marik cuddling with the bear cubs and waving cheerfully at him.

"My name's not- ah forget it, gimme a hand here, would ya?" Bakura said crossly, eyeing his attacker warily.

At this, Marik promptly started clapping and Bakura sighed, "Marik, I know I'm the great Bakura and all, but applause isn't really gonna get me out of this situation. Though I'm not even gonna ask how you got here or why you're babysitting those _things_."

Marik pouted, "_Things_? They deserve much more than that! Did I ever-"

"JUST HELP ME GET OUT OF HERE ALRIGHT?‼ GEEZO!‼"

"You're no fun." Marik grumbled, but then whispered something to the 'kids' and they blinked at him before jumping out of the tree and latched themselves on to their mother.

Bakura stared after the bear's retreating back. Marik hopped down from the tree next to him, looking after the family of bears fondly.

"They're great kids," Marik said conversationally, with the air of one commenting on the weather, "I hope they end up like their dad."

Bakura frowned and grabbed Marik by the shoulders and shook him, "Hello?‼ These are BEARS we are talking about‼"

"Your point being?"

Bakura frowned again, "That you… GAH! Just forget it!" He huffed and folded his arms across his chest, "Where's the Ra forsaken Pharaoh anyway?"

"Yami? I don't know…"

"But then again, do we really need him?" Bakura asked, looking at Marik, who looked right back. The two considered this for a moment before falling into hysterics of (evil) laugher.

**- ¤ - ¤ - ¤ -**

Yami, in his current state, was not in the best of moods. He wasn't in the best of looks either, but don't tell him that. Honestly, his hair was – for want of better word – brown …literally. All that mud must've somehow found its way to his head. Probably because his hands were muddy for some reason and he scratched his head often. Maybe he has head lice.

"Oh, Ra, why me?" He sighed.

_Because, Yami, you are the goody two shoes Pharaoh we all know and love. And it's up to you to save two people (even if they are people on your most hated list) and be, as always, the hero of the day. People will bask in all your glory and greatness. –coughorlackthereofcough-_

"Shut up." Yami leaned against a tree and rubbed his temples, "I must be going crazy, there's a little voice inside of my head…"

The 'little voice' laughed an evil laugh that would've even made Bakura proud.

_Oh, but I'm not just any 'little voice inside your head'! I _am_ you! …in a way…maybe…kind of…? Ack, must not get myself confused!_

"Thanks a lot for getting me and _me_ confused." Yami mumbled in sarcastic voice, "What are you anyway? …since you failed to explain properly."

_I, Yami, am something called your conscious. Feel free to talk to me at anytime for advice or just talk to me if you're bored._

"…" Yami considered this, "But if you're me and I'm talking to you, wouldn't that mean I'm talking to me? As in myself? And does that make me insane? Talking to myself? Last I checked, it wasn't exactly healthy to talk to myself, especially if 'myself' is talking back."

_STOP! YOU'RE CONFUSING ME!_

"Well, if I'm confusing you, and you're me, it means I'm confusing myself! …which, I am, by the way."

_...just shut up Yami, shut up…_

"If I shut up, will you shut up? Well, technically you are supposed to shut up when I shut up because you're me and… oh forget this, I'm shutting up."

And Yami sat down at the base of a tree and fell asleep; his dreams were filled with visions of rainbows and fuzz balls. He sighed contently, what a happy place this is.

**- ¤ - ¤ - ¤ -**

"Oh yeah, Bakura, I met a duck on the way to finding you," Marik told Bakura as they wandered around the forest aimlessly.

"Hm," Bakura said thoughtfully, "Was it white? And did it say 'alfex' a lot?"

"Yeah it did, why? Did you know him?" Marik asked slowly, becoming nervous.

"Uh-huh, but I was running and I lost Alfex," At this point, Bakura saw the nervous look on Marik's face, "What? Did you do something to him?"

A bead of sweat trickled down Marik face, and he tried his best to maintain his I'm-so-evil expression, "Heh… heh… it's nothing… Ijustkilledit." He mumbled the last few words really fast.

"What?"

"I mean, it's no big loss …right?"

"No, I didn't hear what you said the first time around."

"I- I killed, uh, Alfex?" Marik said helpfully.

Bakura stood rooted to the ground for a moment before tackling Marik to the ground with a battle cry.

"ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGH! WHAT'D YOU KILL ALFEX FOR? HE DID NOTHING TO YOU BASTARD! TAKE THIS! AND THAT! HE WAS ACUALLY MY FRIEND!"

At the last word, Bakura gasped and stopped pounding Marik to a pulp, Marik looked up at him with shocked eyes and they both turned their heads around slowly.

"Friends? Omigosh Bakura, you actually made a friend? That's great! You know, you and your friend should come over and watch Barney with us sometime! Maybe we can make a tea party too! It'll be so much FUN! Wouldn't you say, FRIEND?"

Tea had appeared out of nowhere at the word 'friend' and was rambling on and on about all the great things friends could do. Marik and Bakura blinked at each other before forgetting their argument and taking off in the opposite direction, far far away from Tea, screaming their heads off.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Tea continued to ramble on and on, but now it seemed like she had lost her mind and was talking to a tree. Um, maybe she was?

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xIsisx: -stares at a piece of offending paper- 

Ryou: What? -attempts to take paper away-

xIsisx: -in shaky voice- Bakura is not Touzoku-ou (or Akefia, whatever you wanna call him) as believed. Touzoku-ou was Zork Necro-thingy's FIRST host. Therefore, Touzoku-ou is not the 'Spirit of the Millennium Ring', rather, Zork is, and Ryou is his second host.

-long silence follows this-

xIsisx: So that means I like ZORK too... um, oh well, I'm sticking to my insanity... anyway, let's just pretend that Touzoku-ou got rid of Zork and becomes the Spirit of the Millennium Ring... that might make good fanfiction material.

-more silence follows-

xIsisx: What! We've already cleared up the matters of the fact that I'm insane!


	5. Bad Fish Day?

xIsisx: T.T I hate myself so much right now...

Ryou: You wouldn't have to hate yourself if you just UPDATED EARLIER!

xIsisx: Gomen...

Bakura: -gasp- xIsisx said _gomen_? The world is going to end! Prepare yourselves!

Disclaimer: Geez Kura, cut the theatrics. And what am I doing here again? Oh yeah, I don't own _Yuugiou_... notice I said YUUGIOU... that's the original Jap. version. You can keep your silly little dubbed YU-GI-Oh...

xIsisx: Once again, I apologize for the lateness of this chapter.. school's starting and-

Bakura: EXCUSES EXCUSES ALL THESE LAME EXCUSES

xIsisx: T.T -is down in the dumps for no reason-

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**Bad Fish Day?**

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"NOOOOO!" Yami screamed in his sleep dramatically, "I shall not surrender to the likes of you! NOOOOO! You'll never wake me up!" Yami tossed around his invisible sheets at this point and said sleepily, "Five more minutes Grandpa."

A certain blonde someone blinked confusedly at a certain silver haired someone who blinked right back. Then they both looked at the fidgeting figure in front of them.

"Earth to Yami?" Marik started to wave his hand in front of Yami's face, but then realized that Yami didn't have his eyes open, so he settled for a hard jab against Yami's forehead.

Yami waved the air around where Marik jabbed him and mumbled, "Go away Yugi… 's not time yet…"

Bakura frowned, he never knew his greatest enemy was also a very heavy sleeper. He thought for a moment or two then suddenly, his eyes brightened and a light bulb went off over his head. He blinked again and looked up, and jumped and screamed, and attempted to brush the thing away.

"AHHHHHHH! Itstheevilwannabefakeminisun! GET IT AWAY GET IT AWAY! NOOOOOOO! I'M GONNA DIE! RA MUST HATE ME TODAY! EEEEEEK!"

It was Marik turn to frown, "Hey baka Baku, that's a light bulb. I though you were familiar with them right now."

Bakura stopped panicking, "Then what's it doing above MY HEAD? CURSE THE EVIL WANNABE FAKE MINI SUN OF DOOM!"

"It means you have an idea."

A long silenced followed Marik's wise words.

"…oh…." Bakura said intelligently, then rubbed his temples, "I had an idea? I don't even remember the idea now. Um. CURSE THESE SUDDEN LOSS OF MEMORY!"

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Bakura's head snapped to the direction of the person who had laughed so loudly.

Yami was pounding the ground, fully awake, wiping tears of laugher from his eyes and trying (but failing miserably) to catch his breath.

"OhRaIthinkImgonnadie." He said really fast and unsteadily before falling into hysterical laugher.

"Then go die already." Bakura snarled, "It would do everyone a favor."

At this, Yami put all of his will into forming the exhausting expression called… glaring. Unfortunately for him, trying to glare while you're laughing so hard you're about to die doesn't exactly work. So he ended up with a pained cross between a grimace and an over hyper grin.

Bakura rolled his eyes and whispered something to Marik while pointing at something nearby. Marik grinned and nodded. Yami didn't notice this. Curse the evil laugherness of doom.

"On the count of three," Bakura muttered to Marik, they were slowly going around Yami, picking the best spot to put their plan into action.

"One…"

Yami was rolling on the ground now.

"Two…"

His tears could've been the rain.

"THREE!" They both shouted at the same time. And ran up to an unsuspecting Yami and pushed him so hard he fell into a pond that was just nearby.

They stepped back and watched as Yami fell in slow motion into the pond, laugher still evident on his features. They prayed with all of their souls that he drowned, and prayed harder when they saw a few bubbles rise to a surface… and growled when they saw Yami break through the surface, spluttering.

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR YOU IDIOTS! ARRG WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU-"

Yami seemed to glow blinding red with anger (and of course, his eyes by now had turned into a fierce shade of crimson) and climbed out of the pond with unnatural speed and lunged for the first unfortunate soul that was there: Bakura.

Bakura raised an eyebrow and neatly stepped out of the way, causing Yami to go smack-a-dab against a nearby tree. Yami, undaunted, turn quickly and slowly advanced on the thief. The ground shook from his rage, or at least, it seemed like it.

"Ba. Ku. Ra." He roared, taking a step for every syllable, then without warning (though it's not like he would've warned him anyway), he lunged for Bakura, claws outstretched, and stopped a centimeter away from Bakura's face.

Bakura's eyes drifted from Yami's eyes to his… hair, when he saw what happened to it, he bust out laughing, pointing at Yami's hair.

"WTF?" Yami looked up, trying to see what exactly had happened to his beautiful hair.

Marik looked at Yami's hair too and snorted.

"WHAT?" Yami yelled, irritated.

"Fishy fishy!" Marik snickered, "Fishy in Yami's hair! ..oo that rhymed!"

"WTF?" Yami yelled again, but now that he thought about it, it DIDN'T feel like something was in his hair at all… least of all a fish…

"Looking for something?" Bakura pointed at the ground next to Yami's foot, the dead fish.

Bakura jabbed the fish again with the stick he used to… um, fish the _fish_ out of Yami's hair when he wasn't looking, "Oo I want… I want eat dead fishy."

Yami blanched, "Raw? Are you completely nuts!"

"I suppose a rich boy like you would've never had to suffer from eating raw fish?" Bakura said stiffly, "I mean, being the Pharaoh and all?"

Another long silenced followed.

"…uh, sorry?..." Yami said timidly.

Bakura scoffed and picked up the dead fish, and then drawing up a dagger from no where, he cut into the fish's tender belly and started to dump out the intestines. At this point, Marik hurried over and watched the blood ooze out from the fish, hypnotized. Yami groaned and tried to stay as far away from the fish as possible.

"Can Marik have the blood?"

"Yes Marik can have the blood. Why is Marik talking in third person?"

Marik, however, didn't answer and picked up a random intestine and started sucking the blood off of it. This made Yami want to barf.

"Yum," Bakura said, and shoved a generous piece of fish into his mouth, while staring at Yami unflinchingly, as though waiting for Yami to dare and say that what he was doing was disgusting.

"You can get sick from eating raw fish you know…" Yami muttered, drawing up his knees to his chest.

"_I'm _used to it, unlike you and certain other people."

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xIsisx: I shall update tomorrow! Even if the earth gets hit by a comet and we all die, I'LL STILL UPDATE... somehow. 

Bakura: -eye roll- It would be MUCH more impressive if you accually lived on earth...

xIsisx: Yeah... wait! I don't live on earth? That's funny... I was pretty sure I lived on earth at least...

Ryou: And she doesn't have time to thank you the reviews so... blah.

xIsisx: And see you later!


	6. Return of the Voices!

xIsisx: YES I UPDATED! Now I can properly thank the reviewers, thanks to: _LonelyTombRobber, punkPRINCESS, gwertopip, CrystalTwilight5, PrepMassacre, AnGeLoFmErCeY94, _and last but not least,_ Professor Specter. _Now... -turns and glares at the three yamis-

Yami: -groans- Do we have to?

xIsisx: What do you think? YES

Bakura&Marik&Yami: -mutters but hugs the reviewers-

xIsisx: -smiles sweetly- Thank you, now if you keep on reviewing, who knows? There might be another update tomorrow. Hee hee! I had a stroke of inspiration. AND I don't own Yuugiou, bug off. Geez.

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Return of the Voices!**

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"I miss Malik-pretty." Marik sulked, absentmindly staring at a spot on the floor of the cave they just recently discovered. 

"I miss Ryou-koi." Bakura muttered, staring into space.

"Yeah, I miss Yugi too, but don't you think this place is a little too high up?" Yami asked nervously, always the paranoid one, looking over the edge of the cave. It had seemed like a good idea at first, they would climb up and into a place where no bears or any other protentially dangerous animals could get to them, but now Yami was starting to regret it.

"From cradle to grave, grave to cradle.. I'll go down fighting.." Bakura sang under his breath, but it seemed like he didn't really know that he was singing it.

"What?" Yami said distractedly, still looking out of the cave.

"What what?" Bakura asked dully.

"What what what?" Marik asked just a dully.

"What what what what?" Yami snapped.

"What-" Bakura started but then hesitated, "How many are we on now?"

"Erm. I don't know?" Yami offered helpfully.

"Well, gee, you're alot of help Pharaoh." Marik rolled his eyes.

"It's cold." Yami shivered, "It must be midnight already!"

"Aren't you suppose to be the responsible one? You tell us what to do!"

"Well I don't know what to do," Yami said defensively, "Why don't you come up with something for a change?"

"We should start a fire." Bakura said plainly.

Marik rolled his eyes once more, "Oh wise one, great idea, except for the one little factor called: we-don't-know-how-to-make-a-fire."

Bakura ignored him and chipped off a piece of rock from the cave walls and grabbed the stick he used to fish the fish out of Yami's hair. Then he scraped the two objects together furiously while Marik watched with an expression of this-is-never-gonna-work.

After a few minutes, Bakura was getting very frustrated, the most he could get out was a few pathetic sparks. Marik still stood by the fact this was never gonna work.

A few more moments passed in silence... then Yami coughed.

Bakura and Marik looked at the star haired person.

"Um. Why don't you just summon a fire from the shadow realm?"

Another uncomfortable moment.

"OH NOW YOU TELL ME PHARAOH NO BAKA!" Bakura yelled, throwing the stick at Yami, who leaned over to dodged it, unfortuently, he leaned over to his left side, the side that was very near the cave's entrance. But somehow, he managed to stop himself in midmotion and did not fall out of the cave.

Ha. Just kidding. ;) What really happened was that Yami leaned and then he realized that he was going to fall right out of the cave, so he waved his arms around like he was trying to land an airplane, but he was really trying to steady himself, too bad it didn't work. So in slow motion, he toppled off the cave headfirst and then - let's go back to normal speed - the last thing Bakura and Marik heard was Yami's high pitched scream.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-"

Bakura glanced out of the gave like a child surveying his figerpaint painting, "Well, gee, that was easy. I didn't realize all I had to do was throw a stick at him and he would die." Bakura commented with a touch of sarcasm, straightening himself up again, he held up a hand and some dark purple flames instantly appeared in his palm. The flames of the shadow realm - MUHAHAHA -coughs- yeah.

"Er, we don't have any wood to light that on." Marik pointed out.

Bakura, instead of agreeing with this fact, stared at Marik, "What happened to the craziness and hyperness you had earlier?"

"I think it's best for me to put that aside in troubled times." Marik said so somberly it bewildered Bakura.

"You're kidding right? Please say yes."

Marik rolled his eyes, frankly, he was getting really tired of this act, "NO YOU BAKA! I HAVE TURNED COMPLETELY SANE AND HELPFUL! RA! WHAT DO YOU THINK!"

"Never mind, summon some wood from the shadow realm for me, would ya?"

Marik glared but did as he was told and accidently(-on-purpose) made a block of wood hit Bakura's head, and he recieved a scowl for his action. Oo. Very scary Bakura.

Bakura lit up the wood and watched as the purple flames grow.

"I AM SO DAMN BORED!" Marik yelled hystrically, hitting his head against the walls of the cave multiple times, "HOW IS IT THAT WE'RE LOST AND I'M STILL BORED? HOW THE HECK IS THAT POSSIBLE? WHYYYYYYYYYYY MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE?"

_Because, Marik dear, you deserve it - after all, you are the psycho and weird things are bound to happen to you._

Marik nearly toppled out of the cave in shock, Bakura gave him a strange look, "What?"

"DID YOU HEAR THAT VOICE?" Marik screamed.

"...I think you've turned more insane than you already were..."

_Bakura, are you sure he's the only one who's turning insane?_

**- ¤ - ¤ - ¤ -**

Some miles away, some certain two hikaris were forgetting that they were suppose to be the light ones and cackled madly. After all, this was payback for what their yamis had done. They've gotten themselves lost and now they shall pay! (insert a hikari's mad laugh here)

**- ¤ - ¤ - ¤ -**

"WTF WAS THAT?" Bakura yelped.

"You can hear it?" Marik asked frantically, looking for a shred of evidence that he wasn't the only one with those... voices... in his mind. Well - what was left of his mind anyway.

"YES! ...do you think we're insane?"

"We ARE insane Bakura... wait, lemme refrase that: There is a fine line between insanity and maddness, and I fear we may have crossed it many miles back."

"Oo, so we're MAD, right?"

"YES! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-"

_Such pity Marik, I had SUCH HIGH HOPES for you... but I guess it was all just a hopeless dream... -dramatically sighs-_

"-AHHHHHH!" Marik changed tone in mid-evil-laugh, though the other one took no notice, THEY were battling with the voice inside their head too.

"I am not insane, evil little annoying voice in my head! I AM MAD! GOT IT? MAD, not INSANE, MAD!"

_There isn't a difference_. The voice said smoothly.

"Yes there is! I am mad because I know I am insane! Therefore, insane people do not know they are insane!"

_Technically, you are insane because you know you're insane._

"STOP TWISTING MY WORDS AROUND YOU - you... YOU WORD STEALER!"  
_  
Well, that sums it up, you're a soul thief, I'm a world stealer. Things could not be better. Yup._

"Annoying and a weasel, who do you remind me of?"

_Only you can answer that question, Bakura._ And with yet another graceful evil laugh, the voice disappeared, leaving a confused and angry Bakura.

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xIsisx: Fwee! I shall go start the next chapter now! Review! Thanks.  



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